blah blah Shut up

June 26, 2008

Some people just don’t know when to shut up

some people just communicate so much that its irritating, does this make sense ?

i have a strange annoyance for people who just constantly need to be speaking with other people

constantly need to be blahing about something

they cant just keep their mouths shut and maybe perhaps try to figure out another way of communicating

NO this is not PRACTICAL at ALL

i know this…

but just humor me .. please

i love people and i get lonely sometimes but i only get lonely for people i am really close with

not just to be with any random people imaginable

its just in my genes to not want to be ANTI social i guess… seeing as i was raised by a family of Persian cats.

DID U KNOW THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SPELL fERRIS wheel with a capital F because its not A ferris wheel its THE Ferris wheel named after the man who created it.


i dont know why i have so much … odd ( hatred ? is it realy hatred ? thats a strong word ) for people who are unlike me.

i guess what it boils down to after all is that i don’t want to be lonely ! matter of fact i would LOVE to get along with other people… matter of fact im REALLY lonely … but the kind of people who i would genuinely get along with are few and far between…

like today … i would love to go downstairs and hang out with and get to know the people who are in the house right now …. smoking up…. i mean they seem nice over all ..but there is something about their mindless banter… and their annoying repetitive stoner laughs … that is a huge turn off ….so in turn i sit up here alone … and annoyed … when i could be a little happier if i could just dumb my conversation down  and go hang out with them ? who knows…

i need a new life. i have for a long time.. when will i just be able to grow the balls ( uhm ew ) to change my life the way it needs to be changed

when will i stop bitching about it in a blog and get out there and just move to hawaii …

im only brave sometimes…with somethings.. not all things…

so in the meantime i will just shovel peanut M&M’s into my face and type about it waa waa waa !

an asteroid will hit tomorrow … for all i know it really will ? i need to be having more fun this world is so big

i used to play the sims and then i stopped because i realized… damn by the time you get them to bed and they get full sleep and then they are able to eat and then they FINALLY havethe engery to paint or some shit then you have to ship them off to work and then do it all over again … which is why i never “beat” that game or any other game like it ( zoo tycoon..roller coaster tycoon…any of those living games ) i would get bored and just kill everyone and cause havoc.. i would create the PERFECT zoo and then grow sick of it and fire all the maintenance workers so the fences would rot…and then i would sit patiently for about ten minutes and watch the fences rot .. and the animals escape and start attacking each other and the people.

THEN i realized… holy crap my life is JUST LIKE the sims … it takes SO MUCH work to be a healthy human .. every day u need at least 8 glasses of water.. u need to eat enough food to be healthy you need to make sure to get excersize you need to make sure you take care of your mind .. by doing something creative .. you need to take care of mundane things ….

its so much work .. humans are PATHETIC …  we are so imperfect… we are so weak … we are fat putrid little spoiled beings who couldnt last a day in the “wild” …okay a day yes…. but many people actually could not !

our hearts beat so much everyday and never ever get a break …we have to keep breathing SO MUCH … if you took one day and just payed attention to your breathing alone it would start to make you a little crazy i would think because you would  try to start to control it and then it might seem as if it has become hard to breath.

i need to go downstairs and get the laundry and the weird part about it is when i go down there they will all stop their conversation and everyone will be silent and look at me ….

you know i guess im just used to being invisible … i think i perfer it that way … im used to being akward and invisible …not someone who a room shuts up for. …

its bizzarre.

you know how i know i am a normal human again ?

because if someone is staring at me in public my first reaction now is … oh man did i sit in something …not … I wonder if theyve seen my videos .



2day and art internet feelings

June 4, 2008

Well too day

2 day it twas pretty SLEEPY-ing


today i am was.. am ..still are.. well till june 7th … in Massachusetts.

Today it was 80 degrees it was really HOT !

how original am i … tying the word HOT ! …in red… i should be beaten with a bamboo pole for that !

its still HOT ! out but the crickets and peep frogs are out and i love them ! Thats something i just dont get when im in NYC or L.A ..mmm

did i mention i completely and utterly fell in love with NYC ? love … love … love its amazing there.

i cant wait to go back but june 7th i will be going to L.A .

i am trying to save up money for a new back procedure for my scoliosis …


the fact that…not only is it really painful … and it makes me crooked…and i cant breath well … and i cant walk or run far… and my body is numb in the weirdest places … and i get depressed sometimes and im …semi embarrassed by it ….

BUT the fact that they dont know what causes it and i have been through so many procedures trying to fix it and none really have worked.

PLUS the insurance company almost never covers any other type of scoliosis treatment except for the brutal surgery because mainly all the other treatments are experimental or new.

i guess if you have to chose to give money to the charity for people that are dying from cancer and people with messed up spines… your going to choose the little kid who is dying from cancer.

understood …


i feel like a completely normal person

and i am treated like a completely normal person … but im not … i hide it well

i think that makes me situation even harder… because its so hidden.

regardless this new procedure is called CLEAR its the CLEAR institute for scoliosis …

i have NO IDEA how in the world i am or will be able to afford this treatment but i am going to work really hard to try …

i had pizza today for dinner

i sat with my mom in the living room tonight, it was nice she sat on her computer i sat on mine.

my mom enjoys surfing the web for those dumb youtube type videos… shes more “hip” then i am … i have no idea what totally LAME overrated video has gone viral every week but she knows..

i feel bad when i get snappy at her because i just dont care and dont want to hear about it.

but i cant help it … i need to shelter myself as much as i can from this online world and yet i need to stay and be such a big part of it i guess.

Now with online video everyone has such strong opinions everyone has a huge voice … and it seems everyone is trying to be amazingly spectacular and its just to overwhelming for me…

one minute i might think one thing

…and then 3 minutes and another click later … i am swayed by the opinion of someone else… saying this is better or dont do that.. or this person sucks… or this online gadget is better… or this is really how to make an online video and this is how you make it popular…

i REALLY REALLY only care about making good videos…when did it happen that all of a sudden numbers and popularity became more important than… making a good…anything ?


its always in the back of everyones mind…

difference is … when i first started… i had no idea at all it could happen and if it never did i couldnt have cared i couldnt have lost a second of sleep over it..

then all of a sudden it happened … people started caring about me…watching and listening to me … and then all of a sudden numbers mattered .. when they never had before.

All of a sudden i couldnt say exactly what i was thinking anymore because i started making enemies who wanted what i had which was ironically something i never even knew i wanted in the first place.

All i want is to be able to look at something and …feel …. i want to be able to use my imagination because i am inspired to use it … not because money or numbers inspired me to use it.


dun dun dun …. .

the only way i can live a happy free life …outside of an office building and allow myself to be free yet to also make an income is to in some way continue what i am doing now.

i will figure it out.

i must say i am in MUCH better shape than i was even a few months ago.

my hardest problem….

keeping away from the dumb stuff on the internet i dont care about…

not reading the “success stories” of these people online who have media deals and such …or watching next weeks popular viral panda pooing hit of the week .

Its bitter curiosity to that is the only thing that brings me to click those links or watch those videos…

i am not those people i never wanted to be those people…

i used to be the girl who sat alone all the time and was a total outsider and was fine with that.

i had me and my imagination

if that girl had to pick me out of a crowd today she would not recognize me as herself.

its a good things in some ways and in others not so much.

i have learned however my BIGGEST mistake thus far has been ….

working with people and doing projects ONLY because the money was good … and then pretending i enjoyed the projects while making them.

david letterman is interviewing some red headed actress i forget her name…but o well …time for bed. i will go relax now … and i will shut down my computer before bed because its the HEALTHY thing to do … for both of us . The internet is good…but only GREAT things are GREAT when used with extreme care and moderation !!!

gnight Brooke for you will be the only one to read this for a long time…till some crazy person who knows everything about me stumbles upon this (stalker) or .. a randomer who maybe perhaps i am meant to marry one day . Is it fate !?! i think not…


June 3, 2008

My birth name is Brooke Allison Brodack

numbers and supposed time agree with each other that i am currently 22 years of Aged cheese

SIDENOTE ( it took me a month to make this blog because i could not decide on a name.. thats how much of a perfectionist i am..Then today i had a pretty stressful day ( my nana got in a car accident ) and i came home and wanted to write and got mad and just picked the first funny random name that i could think of ! “its just a blog” i thought ” ITS DOES NOT NEED TO BE PERFECT LIKE I TRY TO MAKE EVERY OTHER ARTISTIC EXPRESSION IN MY LIFE AT THE MOMENT !!!!”

SIDENOTE2 ( a sidenote is when i will break right in the middle of a serious topic in my blog and mention something totally random but yet it will still in someway have a connection to what i was talking about. )

SIDENOTE3 ( having a sidenote mentioning what a sidenote is and then having another is a little much is it not ? DERRRRR lameee )

WHAT THE HECKED WAS me TALKED abouting ????!?

oh yes… haaa ha… … …. myself

Brooke Brodack is air

i dont really know what i am and so much of how people describe themselves is in the physical sense..

i am blonde.. i had blue eyes.. i wear clothes i am a doctor and BLAhhhhhhhhhh blah.. blahhhh blah

if i just think of myself as having no physical attributes and just being air

for some reason i don’t get stressed about things.

line of seperation ——————————–

its an ugly line isnt it ? i really dont enjoy the hideous unbalanced imperfect look that it is giving to my blog. but i leave it because it frustrates me and i am a masochist perhapsers ? JOY ! shit heads …. random .. okay…

Want to hear a real funny joke ? okay soo i used to have a pretty strong opinion about my life and who i was until all of a sudden millions of other people did to.

Whats the difference between the first 20 some odd years of my life and this year ?

not giving a lickin dipp about appealing to people anymore.

IM A GREAT actress … my whole life has been a stage… the funny part is that i cant land a damn role in any movie because i don’t have head shots and a reel … fun-knee that is.

I used to care so much about what people thought i studied people with the goal of being able to fit in and i tried so hard always to be the kind of person each one of my friends or other people would want to hang around with. I was always on guard.. on check … acting.. all the time. I PERFECTED THIS … and now i do not care any longer. The fact that all of a sudden more than half of the human population seems to not understand me … or agree with me … is that not a wonderful thing ? no dont answer that because see this is where this contradicts … because you might just agree with me when i state that … being not understood is actually more flattering than beng worshiped and popular because everyone understands you and everyone can relate…

if humans are bacteria …eating and suckling off this dying human that is our planet earth.. i am a rogue bacteria … DUMB analogy …so DUMB and underthoughtout …not a word..

what quite exactly is up with ME ? having this strong desire NOT to fit in … yet ironically enough somehow i know that this strong desire NOT to fit in somehow routes back to WANTING to fit in … but not quite … You see NOT wanting to fit in forces me to search for originality in its truest form.

and now i am bored with this blog post

bored bored bored

you know its funny because like i was mentioning earlier.. i have a GREAT nack for timing comedic timing…and human senses and reactions and psychology but for some reason lately … i want to challenge it … truly it might be pure laziness… who knows… but whenever for example i make a video and i can feel that it just feels WRONG .. or a little to LONG … or just quite perfect.. I FRUCKEENG LOVE THAT SHEYAT !!! LOVE IT TO DEATH IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD !!! LIKE … it feels like ….GETTING INTO CLEAN SHEETS ON A HOT SUMMERS NIGHT THAT ARENT ALL HOT AND GROSS FROM SITTING AROUND ON YOU BED ALL DAY !



FEELS LIKE jello on your tongue

WHAT !!?!?!?!?! what does it all mean !?!?!!?!


i got way to tied up in comparing myself to others… i never used to … and i need to stop because its killing me … the only way to do that is to isolate myself from other people and their so called “successful creative works” because the success i want will only come to me if i stay true to myself i dont want other peoples success i want my own !

i also want world piece so im cutting it into 3/4’s but you can keep the half that relies on oil … i dont want to eat that part …tastes nasty

piggle feet

Pigeon scrunchies ?

June 3, 2008

what is it ? WELL !

it is exactly what is sounds like ….

big surprise i know ! im so random of course

so i guess the real question is if i type the rest of this blog post out in a purple font will you have totally lost all respect for me by the time i type a question mark ?

i will take that as a no and change it back to black out of respect for those reading

SO pigeon scrunchies as a phrase was created one day while my friend caitlin hill and i were walking around NYC and i could not stop thinking of how dumb and hilarious pigeons look. Then that lead me to think about how dumb and hilarious scrunchies are !

okay lets be honest… the only people you ever see really wearing actually big poofy scrunchies are either typical trailer trash ( eek i must seem mean for making that statement ) or they are stuck in the 80’s …or …they TIME TRAVELED from the 80’s using their bath tub and …

no that could not happen.

what what can happen is my writing

i miss writing i used to do it a lot.. i used to be good … i used to spell well … i used to be imaginative .. what happened ?

i will write here …


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June 3, 2008

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